Kirby Olsen
Kirby Olsen is a fictional NPC from the 2006 videogame Bully, by Rockstar Games. Character Description Kirby is a smallish-built shortish Caucasian boy with brown eyes and hair and fair skin. Normally he speaks with a brutish or faux "tough guy" façade, but will normally speak with a higher pitched young boy voice when around someone he has a crush on like Jimmy Hopkins. Life Story Kirby Olsen is a short and somewhat scrawny homosexual young man. He comes from an extremely strict Scientologist background, wherein homosexuality is frowned upon. At the age of twelve Kirby was enrolled at the Bullworth Academy by his sanctimonious parents, who had suspected his homosexuality while on a cruise aboard the MV Freewinds, though in reality being surrounded by dozens of naked boys in close quarters was his biggest desire since joining the church. Kirby's early life at Bullworth had been off to a rough start, as he would regularly be written up by the prefects for "soliciting" his religion outside of the campus library and gymnasium with a free E-Meter "stress test". Dr. Crabblesnitch himself was said to have even criticized Kirby and his religion calling it "bullshit" and a "waste of time". Kirby had approached his coach Mr. Burton about Scientology but was told to "shut the fuck up" and was called a "pussy". To prove to himself that he was stronger and to everyone else that he wasn't gay, Kirby joined the football team and various other sports-related programs and any and all events that entailed naked men or men undressing and showering together in close-quarters communal showers. At first Kirby had been relentlessly bullied by Damon West, the biggest jock on the team however after offering him a free "stress test" and converting him to Scientology (after a donation of $7000 and a 1,000,000,000 year contract with SeaOrg) Damon became his right hand and warded off any other potential threats. Kirby had made many influential and strong friends within the jock clique, up to and including gang leader Ted Thompson. Kirby tolerated Ted for the time being, until he would be able to overpower and replace him as team prophet captain. Eventually Kirby crossed paths with Jimmy Hopkins and immediately fell in love, though due to his throrough Scientologist conditioning, fervently denied these feelings as merely "college lesbian" even though he openly made out with Jimmy and other boys, but claimed to have been performing CPR...standing up, embracing, and fully naked. He had fought, and was defeated by Jimmy and his lust developed even more. It came to the point where Kirby could not enter the boys' locker room without thinking of Jimmy. Years later after having graduated from Bullworth, Kirby found himself unemployed and sleeping from couch to couch as his older, more connected friends were living the high-life. With increasing tuition fees and little to no income to boot, Kirby had made the decision to take a job as a model with the pornographic film studio "Sean Cody" and even filmed a football-themed sex scene with former classmate Wade Martin entitled "Twink Touchdown". Kirby performed primarilly as a top, however he became versatile and eventually a total bottom depending on his scene partners. Kirby left Sean Cody in 2011 after the studio approached him about filming a "Frasier" and Scientology-themed porno, which greatly offended him, as ridiculing or criticizing Scientology in any way goes against the dogma of the church, and also since he hates Frasier because he never understood the jokes. Since leaving the porn industry, Kirby has become an entrepreneur and is supposedly the new chairman/CEO of Papa John's pizza. By 2014 Kirby spends a majority of his time denying his sexuality and stalking and harassing actress and former Scientologist Leah Remini online calling her a "suppressive person" and a "Xenutite" among other slurs. Role in game Kirby's role in Bully is minimal, having the designation as an optional love interest or ally and aside from his unique fight quotes and personality is more or less unimportant to the overall story. Quotes *"It's poundcake time!" *"Hey babe wanna be my personal cheerleader?" *"Prepare to get creamed, wimp!" Trivia *Kirby is obviously a high-ranking member of the Church, being either OT VII or even OT VIII, but no lower than OT VI. *Kirby despises Dr. Crabblesnitch and firmly believes him to be the reincarnation of Xenu. *Kirby obviously loves barebacking and breeding as his battle quotes even make reference to him performing the sexual act on enemies. *Kirby also apparently gets off sexually to being humiliated and beaten as one of his quotes has him thirstily begging "thank you sir, may I have some more?!" He also appears to be somewhat of a dom, as he refers to his bottoms as wimps and demands they prepare to be pounded. *While filling out his admission forms for college, Kirby listed his sexual orientation as being "not gay". *He has a framed photograph of Tom Cruise on his bedside table that he prays to every night before bed. Gallery kirby1.png|Twink kirbygay.jpg|Denying his sexuality kirbyderbygay.jpg|performing CPR kirbysex.jpg|Getting off to watching a pounding Category:Males Category:Male Characters Category:Humans Category:Human Characters Category:LGBT Characters Category:Bully Characters Category:Scientologists Category:Love Interests